i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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