What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
