I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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