Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
