that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
