he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Everyone says I win the strip club
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
