I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
