So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
