you guys were way drunker than both of me
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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