Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
