No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
