I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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