In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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