Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
