I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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