I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
