mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
