I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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