I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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