omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
