What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
There r osticjed everywhere
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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