I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
