I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
