Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
