BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
