omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My feet surprised me
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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