I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
