It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
