so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
