I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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