I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i just google imaged poop.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
