dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
