A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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