Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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