Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
