the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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