I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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