i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
