My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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