you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
