I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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