we have officially lost it.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
