I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
