Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
