I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
