it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
