when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
