just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
