i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
