Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
