Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
