omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
