Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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