I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
