Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
